I get the best emails. Not because I'm popular mind you, but because I'm a sucker. My latest favorite is:
"$20 for $40 of Spider Vein or Stretch Mark Cream"
Seriously, how do they do this??? How did "they" channel into my inner woman and know that "hey, this one is bound to be an emotional train-wreck and self-conscious enough to need this stuff!!! We've got a live one here people!" (I didn't buy it, just to clarify...) I mean, I log onto Facebook and there are 12 different advertisements touting diapers and maternity clothes, careers and baby bottles. Jeez. What do they think I do in my spare time anyway? It's amazing to me that my inbox can fill up so quickly with random crap. If I thought I was terrible at housecleaning...well lets just welcome in Cyber-cleaning. Yikes! Can anyone say new email account? Yeah. That's how I deal with it alright. Out with the old, in with the new.
I try to filter the important stuff. Like, what if there is an amazing bra sale somewhere and I were to miss it just because I shut down my old email address??!?? That would be seriously disturbing...especially if you read my last post and remember how desperate a girl can get for great over the shoulder-boulder holders (Quit Slacking...Read it Here) I mean, to quote How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days "this is death kong 5!!!" (probably one of my most favorite girl movies of all time...just sayin') The world of great support is no joking matter. That being said, I've never actually deleted an old email account, I simply keep them and check them periodically but move on to bigger and better things for those totally random but really important friend emails that I get one, maybe two, times a month. Being frivolous is not my normal approach to life, I'm usually not so wasteful and much more conscious of my footprint; however, the thought of cyber-cleaning really makes my skin crawl...It's just not fun. In the words of little bean, it's a bit winky (aka: sour or in this case a sore subject).
Then to dive into the world of cyber-organization (forget cleaning, how about just putting things in the right place to begin with)...Oh, forget it! I think that if I understood fully what HTML meant and how to actually put things in their proper place, I could excel in this arena. I mean, who doesn't like having their ducks in a row? Then again, that's when I start to lose stuff and my passwords freak out on me and I have to start all over again. It's unreal the amount of things that can suck away your time on the internet. Really...How did I just lose six hours trying to find out how to add a pin it button to my blog???? Yikes! (yes, this really did happen...tips and advice are appreciated)
Everyone has something to say. I can hardly drink a cup of tea without being told what a wise old sage used to say, although that is hands down my favorite part of drinking a cup of tea. Seriously, who doesn't love looking under the cap of their Nantucket Nectar and finding some useless fact about Nantucket that makes you instantly feel smarter and cooler. I love that! Or learning that "body language is the universal tongue: (I kid you not, that's what my tea bag says right now!). Some folks use their bodies for billboards (yes, I have tattoos. Plural.) and some people just plaster their vehicles with a million and two bumper stickers. Yet, their is nothing more crazy then opening your inbox and seeing that in the last five minutes you have received twenty emails and they all have to do with selling you something and usually something that will improve you in some new-fangled manner. Good thing I don't look to my computer for self-confidence because it really doesn't seem to think very highly of me.
Ah well, I guess maybe I could use some spam filters but I always feel so guilty doing that! Does someone get in trouble if I report their message about spider veins as spam? For that matter, who named it spam anyway? I thought that was the disgusting blob-by meat that came in a can and made up part of my childhood that I refuse to touch with a ten foot pole now. Or is that maybe the point? Probably. I know there are ways around receiving two-hundred and fifty thousand useless emails, but it kindof just makes me feel important. That one a month from a friend that isn't a forward or just for laughs type email has special abilities to be at the top of my email list no matter what, so lets just keep the junk coming and feel good about having a full inbox. I think I've requested half of them anyway, although I couldn't even begin to tell you why. Maybe this is a sign that I need to choose wisely when it comes to plugging in my email address, or maybe everyone has a junk-mail email address. Either way, I go there when I need to feel better about my lack of socialization.
For now, I'm going to go revel in my fake popularity and probably investigate my spider veins a little more closely to figure out how that weakness is doing these days. Maybe it will be enough inspiration to get organized and conquer the inbox invaders once and for all!
